Life, All My Own.

bear with me.

ok i’ve been planning this post in the back of my mind for a couple of days now. so here goes.

this past year has been pretty amazing for me. sure, i got pissed at my roommates, didn’t do too great in all of my classes, missed love at least once. but i’ve grown so much mentally, spiritually, and thankfully not too physically. 

i don’t remember exactly how this whole change started, but around the beginning of this school year i was just thinking different. i began to appreciate the little things, see the immediacy of communication, and the eternity of adventure. i remember when i was in elementary school my dad would wake me up well before sunrise. we would grab some little snack and make a short trek to a bit of land down the street. there was an old rusty tin shack on one corner of the acreage- like a tiny storage unit- and we would climb up on top and wait for the sun. back then of course i was too sleepy to recognize how important those moments would be to me now, but now i realize those were some amazing times.

in elementary school, i’d say i was one of the ‘cool kids’. i made friends, my teachers liked me. all was well. and then in fourth grade my parents decided to move to a different city. it was out in the country, with no school for miles. so i was homeschooled for fifth and sixth grade. it had its perks- sleeping in and maybe not even changing out of pajamas- but i had little to no interaction with any other kids. i returned to public school in seventh grade. i was pretty shy in middle school. polite, but quiet. and chubby. i stayed in somewhat of a shell until my junior year in high school. i was in band, so i had a bunch of friends there, and that year was when i could drive and stay out all night. i was still (unknowingly) confined though. sure i could be the life of the party, but it always felt like a performance.

anyways, this past year, i’ve felt like i’m returning to myself. i am so glad i’ve had all the experiences i have. i’ve been challenged with losing a close friend but amazed by growing with others. i’ve found an appreciation for the small gestures, for the time spent with great friends, for free time to think. i’ve thought of hitchhiking and couch surfing and roughing it. sure i liked camping before, but now i just want to get out and do things! live the world!

sorry this post was pretty lengthy, but i felt like really being honest here. nice to meet you.

sappy (adj)

i’m so great right now! today was busy and fun, and everything just seems fantastic. a good night spent with good friends seriously does the heart good.

tonight my job had our end of the year party. we had food catered to our office, and stopped at a froyo place on our way to a drive in theater! the whole evening was just a blast. i really just love everyone i work with.

i wish i could keep this feeling going during all my finals this week..but for now, i’ll just relish in it.

jesseharding:

“If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

—

Jon Krakauer  (via youngfolksociety)

i wish i knew more people that understood this as well as i think i do.

(Source: rebuildrebound)

sleep escaping me.

there are some nights, like tonight, that i just lay awake and think.

tonight i’m thinking about summer plans, where i should live and how to pay for it, if i should get a job at the marina at school, i’d get a nice tan that way i’m sure, if i could pull off a higher paying job somewhere like some kind of assistant to somebody, that i’m glad my roommate and i watched the proposal on a bro-date tonight, that sandra bullock still has it, that i can’t wait for the day i have a girl that does and always will have it in my eyes, that i need to work out, for real i actually should start working out, that i have an amazing life and no real complaints, that school sucks and summer is just around the corner, that the educational system is in the shitter and i wish people would notice and turn it around, that my mind is very obsessive and one-directional and handling all my classes and other demands is challenging, that today was sweet perfection except for the sunburn i got by the pool.

that i need to get back in bed.

fatherdom.

i think having kids will be the one of the greatest things of my life. i’m so excited to get to know those little people.

i can’t wait to be the dad that my son’s friends think is hilarious, and sometimes he acts like he’s annoyed. i can’t wait to take him camping and teach him things just the way my dad taught me. i can’t wait to show him how to treat a lady like the way i’ll treat my wife. 

i can’t wait to have daughters. i can’t wait for the emasculating tea dates and dress up. i can’t wait for our first dance, i may be able to wait for our last before she’s his. i can’t wait to intimidate her boyfriends and watch out for her maybe a little too much.

my wife better bring her a game. because she’s going to have some serious competition.

now.

i’m feeling very content right about now. by now, i’ve been awake for two days, minus five hours. i’ve taken two tests, but now now, i’ve seen two old friends too.

now is good.

I’m trying to be philosophical.

Something about lyrics, movie lines, quotes..something about words placed in order by the unannounced authority of a stranger gives them a better meaning than could have ever been if you had said them yourself.