ok i’ve been planning this post in the back of my mind for a couple of days now. so here goes.

this past year has been pretty amazing for me. sure, i got pissed at my roommates, didn’t do too great in all of my classes, missed love at least once. but i’ve grown so much mentally, spiritually, and thankfully not too physically. 

i don’t remember exactly how this whole change started, but around the beginning of this school year i was just thinking different. i began to appreciate the little things, see the immediacy of communication, and the eternity of adventure. i remember when i was in elementary school my dad would wake me up well before sunrise. we would grab some little snack and make a short trek to a bit of land down the street. there was an old rusty tin shack on one corner of the acreage- like a tiny storage unit- and we would climb up on top and wait for the sun. back then of course i was too sleepy to recognize how important those moments would be to me now, but now i realize those were some amazing times.

in elementary school, i’d say i was one of the ‘cool kids’. i made friends, my teachers liked me. all was well. and then in fourth grade my parents decided to move to a different city. it was out in the country, with no school for miles. so i was homeschooled for fifth and sixth grade. it had its perks- sleeping in and maybe not even changing out of pajamas- but i had little to no interaction with any other kids. i returned to public school in seventh grade. i was pretty shy in middle school. polite, but quiet. and chubby. i stayed in somewhat of a shell until my junior year in high school. i was in band, so i had a bunch of friends there, and that year was when i could drive and stay out all night. i was still (unknowingly) confined though. sure i could be the life of the party, but it always felt like a performance.

anyways, this past year, i’ve felt like i’m returning to myself. i am so glad i’ve had all the experiences i have. i’ve been challenged with losing a close friend but amazed by growing with others. i’ve found an appreciation for the small gestures, for the time spent with great friends, for free time to think. i’ve thought of hitchhiking and couch surfing and roughing it. sure i liked camping before, but now i just want to get out and do things! live the world!

sorry this post was pretty lengthy, but i felt like really being honest here. nice to meet you.